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How to Help transitioning cult members.

  1. Leaving a cult is a challenging task.

Only someone who has belonged to a cult can appreciate how difficult it is to leave. Leaving can involve disillusionment and questioning the unquestionable. It means fear, confusion, guilt, grief, sorrow, and self-doubt. They lose friends and family and are rejected as an apostate. It is not for the faint-hearted. Yet God can provide the strength for the struggle.

A person leaving a cult should anticipate the emotional struggles common to escaping a cult. Leaving is an emotional and draining time. They may experience depression and intermittent anger. They may pass through all the traditional stages of grief associated with death. Once misled by the cult, they may have significant trust issues. The disruption of their worldview creates bewildering emotional turmoil. The ex-cultist may fear that they have made a significant error. They may dread that they have left God and are lost forever. At other times, they may feel nostalgic for some things associated with the cult. They may even think that their new setting does not offer the certainty of the cult. It is a tumultuous time. During this turmoil, they may fear that they are losing their minds or that something unusual has afflicted them. Being freed from a cult involves a significant change in self-understanding and worldview. The process of transitioning out of a cult and into Christianity takes years. Some studies have shown that it can take three to eleven years to get life back to normal. 

Those who have left a cult need help and support. They need an environment where there is no judgment of their struggles nor the amount of time it takes to get through the process. And while they need help, they must not become dependent upon us. They need to make their own decisions and learn how to evaluate Scripture on their own correctly. They must learn to make sound life decisions. Rather than being controlled, they need to know that believers are guided by their conscience and desire to walk with Christ. It may be beneficial for the ex-cultist to meet weekly for an extended time with a mature Christian. This would provide an opportunity to discuss concerns and disappointments.

The ex-Cultist should be encouraged to read scripture and meditate daily. It will be helpful for them to participate in Bible studies and support groups. It is essential to have close friends so issues can be discussed. If the ex-Cultist is to be spiritually whole, they need to be emotionally complete. This means they will require more than theological discussions or analysis of the facts to that point. They need a safe place to evaluate their experiences and feelings while they develop an understanding of what brought them to the cult and why they are leaving.

Often, they have lost their family and community of friends. After undergoing these losses, they are also trying to make a good impression on their new friends and community. They may fear that others are watching and judging them as they transition. They may worry that if people see that they have depression or anxiety, they will be considered inadequate and incompetent.  This fear may prevent them from sharing their struggles freely and honestly and keep them from receiving the help they need. In many ways, the ex-Cultist belongs to two worlds, harboring cherished cult beliefs but seeking to walk into Christianity. It is a hard transition. Because of this, the ex-Cultist should avoid the Cult group’s activities and materials.

Because the cult has supplied a sense of purpose, the transition may leave the ex-Cultist feeling like they lack meaning. Christian friends and a new church can be a source of meaning. Opportunities to do lay ministry or serve in the church can be explored, and the gospel can give believers purpose and significance.

When the ex-Cultist struggles with grief over the losses incurred and depression has been an issue, a support group or a friend can be invaluable. Close, loving relationships are critical for this time. Periodically, when anger and guilt arise, the same support is essential. Having close friends diminishes alienation and provides a sense of normalcy. 

A close Christian friend can help restore perspective and avoid unhelpful thought patterns. Individuals from a cult background often think in concrete, black-and-white thought patterns. There is little grey. These thought patterns should be brought to their attention and evaluated to see if a change is indicated.   Another typical thought pattern is the over-spiritualization of everything. Any terrible thing that happens suggests that God is angry and that a mistake was made by leaving the group. All the events life events, large and small, become messages to them.  This can lead to anxieties that make it difficult to make decisions. There can also be self-doubt from embracing a belief system filled with error and deception. Self-doubt causes a reluctance to trust self-judgment and make decisions. A good friend or support group can encourage self-confidence. 

It may be helpful to think about this transition in stages.

7.) Stage One

During the first exiting stage, the cultist investigates Christianity and finalizes the decision to leave the cult. At this time, believers can help by providing the information the cultist needs to assess their journey. During this stage, it is not beneficial for those working with the cultist to be overly harsh about the cult group. The cultist will still have some affection and loyalty towards the group, and direct attacks may produce resistance.  It is better to ask appropriate questions and provide Christian faith-based answers. Then, together, the cultist and the believer can re-evaluate the situation, evaluate stressors, and reinterpret things to make sense. This helps the cultist to see a way forward. During this time, the cultist will experience painful realizations that much of the teaching their life was built on was in error. They will also see that the cult discourages serious evaluation of their beliefs and history.

When the cultist begins to evaluate the cult, they will discover that the group uses the threat of loss of love and acceptance as an initial barrier to serious evaluation.  The cult teaches that there is only truth in the group. The cultist is cautioned not to go outside of the group because everything else is false, and the ex-Cultist will lose future hope. The cult portrays the ex-cultist’s re-evaluation of their ministry as a sin and a loss of holiness. Because the ex-cultist’s sense of self-identity has been strongly tied to the group, it is traumatic to break away from the past. As a result, there is a need for support and information. Believers can provide this as the cultist commits to transition.

During the next stage, when the ex-Cultist decides to leave the group permanently, a process of grieving begins.  The ex-Cultist will need a close Christian friend or a support group to help pass through this time of loss and loneliness. They may need to develop an understanding of the new post-Cultist world. Theological discussions need to take place, bereavement discussions need to be had, and a sense of purpose needs to be re-imaged. The gospel also needs to be explored as the ex-Cultist needs to understand the all-sufficient love of Jesus. They will need empathy, compassion, and understanding as they leave the cult and their former worldview.

Over time, a third stage will occur, and there will be a lessening of thoughts about the cult group. Healing will take place. Unfortunately, it can take years to be entirely free of ideas and obsessions about the group.  Mentors and a support group are needed to provide support during that process. It helps the ex-cultist to know and anticipate that the transition will take an extended time. Many ex-cultists believe the change will be quick and do not appreciate the time or trauma involved. It could take as little as three years or as long as eleven years. Those supporting the ex-cultist must let them know that their friends understand the difficulties they will pass through. Their friends know that the transition may be lengthy, and that is okay. They will be there.